My name is Allan, a father of three children to three different women; my siblings and I grew up in a home totally consumed by addiction. All our lives we knew no other way. I lived life as I witnessed it and looking back now it was complete insanity.
I am in my mid twenties and I am sick of being sick. I have been in prison at least sixteen times and in a rehabilitation unit at eighteen. This was purely to satisfy the courts and not of my own doing.
When I walked out the rehab I was picked up by one of my friends and handed a bottle of Jack Daniels whiskey and was immediately straight back to insanity. I did not know about the first drink then. Also, I did not know about the first drink leading onto other addictions.
I ended up on Heroin, Hash and every other mind altering substance you could think of. Broken relationships were normal for me. What woman could put up with that type of lifestyle? To the women that I got involved with, I regret all my actions.
I am slowly learning, through my involvement with Bill W Club, that there is another way, a way I have been searching for all my life. I want my children to be proud of their father, not ashamed as a drunk and a drug addict.
I am in very early stages of recovery now and looking forward to going into a Rehabilitation unit for me, through membership of the club I have people to talk to at any time, and there is always some one there for the good times and the bad times.
I am looking forward to being trained up as a peer leader, but like all things in recovery this will only happen one day at a time, and only I can make this happen; I prayed for help some times not to waken up when I was homeless, now I am glad the good Lord never answered that prayer.
I know at the moment I don’t have much to offer any community, but it is my goal in life to try and pass on a message and one that nearly took me to the grave. This lifestyle of addiction is not worth it, not the personal pain, the pain inflicted on my family and friends.
The club talks about emotional recovery, I don’t do emotions very well, but I realise that all my life I have been in emotional turmoil, and it is great to feel the release and freedom from knowing now that I can free myself from this strange conflict of feelings.
My prayer is that I can up-date this testimonial in six months time, one day at a time as part of my program for the future, setting small positive goals on a daily basis. I can see a future now not too far in the distance. All I have to do is stretch out my hand in the direction of recovery. This feels good.